go do what you do best...puke behind churches
PS: the photo I uploaded for this internship site is the same one i used for my fake ID. I like to keep it classy.
I just withdrew $200 in ones. I think the teller knew what was up
I changed the background on my phone to a picture of you so whenever I go to look at porn or text another girl I'll have second thoughts
Am I supposed to find that romantic?
So I feel bad, Ross is asking questions, I think they need to know it's a Spanish lesbian bar
I'm a little nervous about this St. Patty's Day party. Seriously, we're still finding stuff from the Halloween party.
Apparently she came home completely covered in mud, pretending to be a bird...and she still had more sex than any of us this weekend.
Just pissed by glowstick light. Bad idea.
we found him. outside on the balcony, sitting on a bucket, with his pants off, swearing he was'nt taking a dump
I dont think that yelling at the medic "Christmas is gone, fuck off santa" was the best idea when you couldnt feel your legs.
Besides the flaccid incident, it was decent. Average sized. So this is my life now. Loneliness and lackluster sex.
I spent the last 6 months operating under the assumption that I HADNT fucked a paramedic. I was wrong.
sober me doesnt really want him anymore, but when drunk me takes over, she might want him, and god only knows the shit that might happen with drunk me.
its official, you're fucking me on my lunch break. the only thing I want in my mouth is your dick. pick me up at noon.
want fries with that?
Saw my doctor at the bar. He bought me a drink. I think he was looking up my medical record on his phone because he suddenly had to go. syphilis continues to fuck with my life
Randomize
