Soap is not a condiment
Why do girls get to wear clothes that say "do me now" but guys don't have that kind of option?
I mean, what would the male equivalent of a slutty dress be?
i'm so bored i'm watching porn for fun. not even jacking off or anything. just watching.
Remember when the only STD we had to worry about were hickies? Those were the days
I thought pig tail meant you were suppose to grab on to it when getting BJ
disregard all texts ive sent you minus taco motherfucking bell
Morning yack off the fire escape. Girl walking by was mortified. Gooooooooo Ducks!!
I want to be you.
he gave me a thermos so I could take my coffee with my on drive of shame. I was unexpectedly grateful...
Bro, she said my penis was the best thing to happen to her mouth since teeth.
Well as if this year didn't suck enough already, I can now count 2015 as the year I got chlamydia
I wish period tracker had a "on this day" also so i can see who i was with this day last year.
This is Ryan, Kristin's husband. I don't know if you meant to send that pic to me at 3am. You may want to call Kristin. Neat piercing though.
There are flour footprints all over the house. Either u guys are trying to pull that Paranormal Activity shit on me again, or u got drunk and tried to make pancakes.
i smell like vinegar and tequila i can feel the old people behind me judging
My vibrator broke.
Dude it's been less than twelve hours. Did you sleep?
Don't worry about that. I need a new vibrator.
Randomize
