I thought she had more class and brains than to date a complete numb-nut, drug addict, fuck up like him. People never cease to amaze me
I think im pregnant
I think you have the wrong number
Here's my recipe for happiness. Go get a pen. 1. smoke a bowl 2. put on explosions in the sky 3. take a bath. Do this for about 1 hour or until all your problems go away.
he sat in the bathtub shirtless yelling in gibberish for 40 minutes. funniest. stoner. ever.
dude, she was giving me a lapdance and her thong had a skid mark. no I did not hit it.
If you're wondering about the pepper everywhere its for the ants and it was my doings. They hate pepper. You're welcome.
A kind stripper put a blanket over me last night
haha she has always seemed a little off. when i met her i was told she was the queen slut. and she had a crown on at the time. it seemed appropriate.
You probably don't remember this but last night I bought you a lap dance from a stripper that had nipples that looked like runny eggs....you're welcome.
Guess who has two thumbs and just fell outta his car and almost peed himself
I definitely don't remember licking the drag queens boob.
I blasted the Halloween Before Christmas soundtrack last night so my roommate wouldn't hear me having sex. Needless to say the sex got a little weird.
All I’ve had today is sex and water. I think it’s time for tacos.
I just found your "it's drinking time" note in my chem notes. Why did this never happen??
I was waiting for you to find it...I'll be over in 5
His wife found the thong I “forgot” in his glovebox
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