I think the sex offender registry is kind of a VIP list. You get to not live near noisy schools and parks and all your neighbors get to know you.
god, a vagina is an amazing trump card
Thanks for stranding me with th douchebag award recipients
Speaking of school, I've done the math and I get laid about 10 times more often than I did before I got my law degree. $100,000 well spent.
I fucked my boyfriend 15 minutes before my pap test. My gyno probably thinks I hate her.
do you know how hard it is to pee with a pumpkin in the toilet ?
Why is it only times like these when I'm scrubbing the cum stains off my futon before my family gets here that I seriously begin to question my life choices?
Her vagina smelt so bad I lied and told her that I was married just so that she would leave.
I just want a pillowcase full of fast food so I can eat and sleep this hangover away
We're following a guy carrying a door for beer pong at his place..join us when you are deemed sober enough to leave the hospital.
We need to get me chipped asap
honestly i've never been more attracted to you than when you threw up on my floor
Baked out of my mind. Went in the bathroom, a daddy long leg spider and a carpenter ant are battling it out on the floor. I brought my computer with some dubstep.
OMG THE ANT WON
Hypothetically speaking, if a girl asks you to fuck her wearing only your hockey helmet, is that socially acceptable?
I added our drug dealer to the quickbooks software babe, he is listed under vendor's as an expense category... money management is such a bitch...
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