I admire a woman who can maintain dignity while puking after too much whiskey
That cute girl I hooked up with last night clawed my back to hell and gave me a hickey. I look like a white trash warewolf victim
You owe me a new pair of headphones. You plugged mine into the top of a mustard bottle.
dude, showing up drunk to physics was the best idea ever. I just tripled my participation for the semester. I love st pattys day
Do you think it'll be awkward standing up at their wedding knowing I've slept with both the bride and the groom?
he's washing the lighter in the sink and telling me to picture unicorns. requesting backup.
He came inside me, looked me in the eye and said, "Happy Mother's Day"
Your penis chewing exercise is not working
Can you check on Mike in the bathroom. It's been like 20 min.
He's fine. He's just standing at the trash can in line for another beer from the keg. Nbd.
So lets not base feelings on vagina tingles
Wore a burger king crown while giving head still drunk this morning #blessed
idk man, I was fucked up and eating fried rice at the grocery store, tried to wave at her but she just looked concerned at me.
I'll take care of you. Just let me pee on this old white person's car first.
He said it only counts if it ends up on the internet
I twisted my ankle while drunkenly playing in my adult kickball league. Now I'm having to use my grandpa's cane to walk at this party. I am so single.
Randomize
