I just ate 3 burrito supremes and a crunchwrap...can't feel feet...I think I have diabetes
I need a man. I think Im going to put myself on Craigs list since they caught the killer and all.
Do it and if you add naked pictures youll get an instant reply
Im starting to think including a smiley face in texts may or may not be a code for 'lets have sex'
Im going to research this theory. . .
It felt like his penis had an endoskeleton.
Four minutes until I can fart!
today i did the best job ever shaving. like my vagina is PERFECT. plus i straightened my hair for a good hour. if i don't get ass tonight, i'm killing a baby.
Found a cheerleading trophy in my shower this morning. Explain.
Best thing law school has taught me: how to use logic to turn a girls "no I will not have sex with you" into "well I might as well get laid"
Walmart at night is scary enough without having to run into people you've slept with
I just witnessed my first non cocain induced sunrise in five years.
Not my cup of tea
If throwing a bottle across the bar, hitting a skank in the head and not getting caught was an Olympic event, you'd bring merica the gold every time
it's a rainbow of FUCK YOU
Started mixing booze directly into the 2 liters and carrying them around. Mixing less often, and now kind of weightlifting,so double effecient.
Until you've snorted cocaine at 6am before your nursing school clinicals birthing babies you're not on my level
You were telling everyone in the bar that Jess gave you scurvy.
Randomize
