I dont understand how a fully grown man could convince himself that lime green crocks would look good on him.
We may or may not have a drunk cat on our hands.
quitting drinking is the number 5 new years resolution but number 4 is enjoying life more which one do you think im going to pick
They poked me and kept screaming "LAUGH DOUGH BOY" it's like 3rd grade all over again.
I can't help but be optimistic. I'm like a ball of slutty sunshine.
We made a trail of cheez balls so we knew how to get back to te apartment.
I'm trying to pinpoint the moment when "don't do anything I wouldn't do" became bad advise.
What part of "he tried to put his dick in my ear" did you not understand??
His dick is hereby named Charles Dickens. Will's is less cerebral. I'd like to call it Pinnacle like the vodka we drank when we hooked up, but I feel like that's a compliment it doesn't deserve.
Hiding the dark circles under my eyes this morning was like trying to hide a Beached Whale on the Couch eating Pita chips.
YOUR TITS WERE ON THE TABLE.
I SWEAR TO ALL THAT IS HOLY I HAVE NEVER WIPED MY GENITALIA ON ANY TYPE OF EMERGENCY RESPONSE VEHICLE!!
School supplies are right next to the margarita mix at target. Its a sign
My theme for the night was drink diego drink! Unfortunately Dora was not there to navigate me to the bathroom
We had an argument over whether or not she had super strength. She settled it by dragging me to the bed room and throwing me on the bed. Then forcefully fucking me. She won the argument.
Randomize
