Stop everything. They have oreo straws to drink milk with and then you eat the straw. I think i just got turned on by a cookie commercial.
i feel like the song jizz in my pants was made for him.
If they made snuggies with a sleeve for my morning wood, id consider buying one...
I will never try to masturbate with americas funniest home videos playing in the background ever again
I think we should roll her a welcome back, sorry your godmom's on life support blunt.
I'm pretty sure I swallowed a whole condom
when seducing a hipster, do you think taking a nude pic on a lomo-camera app would increase my chances? grainy off-colored boobs and telling him how much i like reading salinger?
I love you too! Remember NO alcohol or weed at my residence because of legal ramifications.
I asked him to sing a song so he couldn't hear me throwing up as he was holding my hair
I try not to flex my sex appeal too much around the engineers, it's like feeding bears...always ends in disaster.
For a guy who won't fuck me, your dick is out a lot when we talk.
On a scale from 1 to total dick, how inappropriate is it to pick your boyfriend up from rehab with a hangover?
That's so awful of me. Instead of comforting her I masturbated in front of my ex-boyfriend.
I've had pants off for 3 hours now. America.
Oh and sorry for almost killing all of us last night... twice...
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