Drawing dicks in the frost on people's windshields is a rare joy I allow myself while walking to my 8 AM class.
We had a race to see who could chug their vodka tonic faster. College doesn't seem to be working for me... I'm getting exponentially dumber
Nada. Shooting off confetti and wanted to see I'd u could see it from ur house.
Wow. Its not even 11am.
my favorite part of the night was when I was in the bathroom frantically trying to get my cat whiskers and nose off to make hooking up less awkward
It's amazing how many friends she makes simply by carrying that flask of whiskey everywhere she goes.
Nothing gets you judged faster than having cum in your hair at the gas station.
Where are you? Your parents are here. Their flight got in early.
Trashy Tequila Tuesdays. Have them meet me here @ the bar.
I'm not sending your parents to see you drunk at a gay bar. What kind of boyfriend do you think I am?
A great one. Entertain them i'll be home soon....... I think
Got cut off last night cuz this chick had her hands down my shorts and was blatantly playing with my dick while I was trying to order. apparently that's "frowned upon"
That's the 3rd time I've gone home with her and she passed out on me. I poured 6 boxes of cereal on her and left
my biography would be titled "haunting truths and dick jokes: a tale of love, loss, and masturbation."
You started crawling towards a moving train. Maybe you should take it easy next time
Do you have pictures of my pancakes
I need to show the world
They are the pancake equivalent of eventual wife
Besides, I don't need any more men there who have seen my tits. #bearwatch2014
She's blowing me while I'm watching air jaws. I love shark week.
The weirdest part of it all was wondering if I was going to take off his fanny pack or he was before we fucked
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