Drawing on your hand and calling it yenifer lopez doesn't count!
Life lesson: Don't ever put your penis in a crazy girl. Especially if she's married. And has a kid.
Just shot my load on a stink bug. Thought you should know.
she was throwing up and singing "I HAD a feeling that tonight was going to be a good good night." And yeah she was still in her dress.
we just did breakfast shots, I have a black eye and savage garden is on . Best weekend ever
The guy who took my order at mcdonalds asked for my number. I think we should start fucking fast food employees, they're easy and think we're goddesses.
Haha! I've never met his girlfriend, so my main focus will be not saying,"you're the only person in this room that doesn't know what my vagina feels like."
Just googled "penis wearing a hat" i think it's safe to say nobody found my ex's lost phone...
Come to the roof. We are drinking breakfast.
I'm driving home wearing one sock, boxers, and a tee shirt. That's how good it was
Just watched my first Christmas porn of the year. Def have the spirit now
If Plan B had a rewards card I would have earned so many free tote bags by now
Free stuff before I even put his balls in my mouth like wow great start
Even if they did assume we were doing kinky shit, it's not like they're gonna be like, "HALT SATAN! INTAKE SOME JESUS AND VOMIT YOUR SINS!"
He just kept going down on me. And he was all like, do you mind? No motha fucka, who would? All of his ex's, apparently. Whatever, he's a gem and I'm keeping him.
Randomize
