If I see one more commercial for The Secret Life of the American Teenager, I'm going to punch the next teenage girl I see in the uterus and scream, "Wear a condom!"
About tomorrow. if it dosent fit dont force it. Just pushit as far as you can and i'll wiggle the rest of the way
The old woman next to me on the el smells like cupcakes...but she doesn't taste like cupcakes
why is it whenever you puke in the park there are always little kids on the swings?
you know it's time to start studying when you've procrastinated to the point where you're reading your roommate's ex-boyfriend's wall posts from 2006.
votings over. no more wacking it to anti christine o'donnell ads
Found a Safeway Deli Sandwich in the shower this morning... Perhaps the 9th beer was unnecessary.
You sir are most definitely in. Better get your penis an umbrella as that bad boy is gonna get soakkkkkkeddddd.
She carried my bag of puke down the aisle and the flight attendant wouldn't move the beverage cart so she put the puke bag in the flight attendant's face and said "I have a bag of sickness!" I've never seen a cart move that fast.
He always takes me to get taco bell after we hook up in his car. It's sort of become a booty call tradition.
For context, I was hiding under the pong table mooing at everyone by that point.
Adulthood is making your own puke bucket.
He shit in the fireplace
Love waking up to a new contact named “Pizza” btw
You know that we wouldn’t even be talking about all this if you would have kept your candy consumption judgement comments to yourself.
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