i just went dwnstairs and there are 5 guys without their shirts on hugging each other. i think i should leave now
And that's when I found out that Patrick wasn't in fact down with O.P.P.
u ever jackoff with ur legs spread and pretend ur fuckin urself as a girl and get mad u'll never know what that feels like. Or to fly like a bird?
Did u absorb a fraternal twin in the womb?
thanks for carrying me to bed.. and sorry for trying to roll down the hallway to escape.
honestly, i just want you to have sex with him too so that you can fully understand my appreciation of his dick as well.
Her eyebrows were plucked so thin that she had to have gonorrhea. Clean girls just don't pluck that way
I feel like I'm in an ocean of eels jacking me off
He said to use 30 racks as chairs and then drink til we fall thru the box
I'm running on two hours of sleep, a shot of vodka, and half of a granola bar. I can't be held responsible for what I do.
Whip out the absinthe and the taquitos, this motherfucker just passed the bar.
so hungover i had to get off the train to puke, rallied and went to work. not sure if that's an adulting win or fail
Don't judge me. It's a Monday night and I can eat burritos in while bathing in the kitchen sink if I want to.
Working nightshift means its never too early to start drinking- and you can quote me on that
he tried to have the "are we in a relationship" chat last night. I stuck my fingers in my ears, yelled lalalalalala very loudly at him and told him I would stop having sex with him if he ever tried that conversation again. bad person, or just being a realist?
you kept shouting 'jesus penis' when i was on the phone with 911
Randomize
