Drunk, high, and in a taco costume. Wish you were here.
Hey I never found my wallet but i did find a bag of 14 soft taco supremes
I have your wallet. Trade you for the tacos.
We broke two of his toes while having sex. He laughed said he'd fix it in the morning and kept going. I think I'm in love
If I won't even leave the house for sex tonight. I definetly not going out for anything else.
I only remembered where urgent care was because it's across the street from my favorite bar
Fair enough. Everyone has some guilty pleasures. Yours is yourself
Who shows up to work two weeks ago still drunk and freshly high on blow and gets a promotion and a raise? This girl. Good at business. Super good at being fucked up.
I really feel like I should slow down on the getting hammered. I told a bartender on "Taco Tuesday" that a $3 margarita was too expensive. And proceeded to have a $70 tab.
Wikipedia just saved you three hours and $30 on a bar tab. You should donate.
$5. Donated.
She's running around the streets punching people and narrating. I don't know whether to laugh or stop her
In hindsight, I probably should not have let the waiter give me a chiropractic adjustment on my neck last night.
So I've decided that blue balls for lesbians is rainbow balls and the struggle is real
He screamed like a woman when he came then proceeded to sing "you [we] are the champion" by Queen. I think I'm in love.
Drunk you wants to be petty, not you you.
At some point i am going to say to you "i have this really bad idea! You in? " just go with it.
Randomize
