im sorry i hit your dog last night,,,i didnt even see it
I dont have a dog?
WTF
my iphone just auto-corrected drink to drnknghhhg...
I have a question, if it paid really well, like ridiculously well, would you be a restaraunts under the table resident blowjob girl?
i came on her dog
Just went through campus. In the span of 2 min I saw 4 places I've had sex. And thats just down one street. Man do I miss college.
She just landed. Popped over for a BJ and left. I'm a fan of layover layovers.
I've never felt more disgusting in my life. And I'm including the time I snuggled that homeless woman in the puddle of my whiskey vomit.
I accidentally sent him a snapchat of my boobs and now we're going on a date tomorrow... Could be worse.
Can cross "get fingered at a state park" off my bucket list
"Only you can prevent yeast infections."
Ah, but I don't wear underwear. Every day is Commando Wednesday.
At least they play good movies in the waiting room of the pregnancy resource center.
I FEEL LIKE HILARY MUST FEEL WHEN TRUMP MANSPLAINS AT HER
It was a bad idea to take ecstasy with cats in the house. No animal likes being touched that much. Let me know how your eye feels tomorrow
You use your abs way more than I realized. Btw multiple orgasms is the best thing I've ever discovered.
He has a wall filled with panties from past hook ups. So no, I didn't fuck him.
Randomize
