There's a lady here with a big bag of dildos. I'm not sure that's appropriate bar baggage but, I like her style
We drove around last night shotting fireworks out the window while they had sex in the back of his car
I think ill wear my dads dashiki but make it sluttier. We shall see
I may or may not have had sex last night then sent him home on a bike with two flats
Men are not even allowed to look at you without a condom on.
I'm pretty sure that I drunkenly used the phrase "I just want his beard all over my body" way too many times last night.
Package arrived for me from the gf while she's on vacation..under the bed bondage kit and new lingerie...my boner could drive to the airport
She told me her last name, which as you know is my #1 turn-off.
Just gave my thesis presentation, pretty sure I made out with the admissions woman last night.
Literally every boy I've dated is now in a somewhat successful band. My vagina has obviously been blessed by the rock gods.
Well you ended up trying to convince two Greek girls that you were Greek, but failed massively by shouting at them in Spanish, and then almost vomiting after taking way too much snuff. Maybe lay off the guinness next time?
You're the only person not starstruck by him
Yes. That tends to happen after you regularly lick someone's balls.
Just bailed on her the best way possible. Got tickets to the game. Only issue is.... if we lose, we not only lost, but I skipped sex to watch us lose
I mean of all the things to be cockblocked by, Taco Bell is pretty high on the list
dude pick up your phone
i cant. im high and theres a wild turkey in my backyard. wouldnt miss this moment for anything
Randomize
