When my kids ask how I lost my virginity Im going to have to tell them of a mythical thing called "Myspace" and how strangers could lure you into their "den of love" thanks to clever quotes and graphics
i guess you could say your face is two degrees of separation from my balls
sometimes i wish i was the girl in a porno. that way if i couldn't get any, i'd just order a pizza and do him.
Just found out my drug dealer is also a porn star. It's a good day.
last night i found out that about 5 of my friends audio recorded us having sex through the bedroom door, then auto tuned it in the tpain app on his iphone.
Breakfast=the leftover margarita in my car. Have a great day.
Literally everyone in the bar was absolutely hammered out of their minds. I swear I even saw the bartender swigging jd when he thought no one was looking. And there was me thinking Britain was the booziest nation in the world.
Welcome to America. You're gonna love it.
I'm to the point that I've had the revelation that its physically impossible for my arms to be attached to my torso.
Somehow those two combined like captain planet and shit went haywire
She pulled vodka outta the dryer and told me to drink it
Now I just sit back and wait to give ass birth to pure evil.
you should never start the day with a boob text. It can only go downhill from there
he just left the suite without pants on wrapped in Christmas lights
Oh, in response to your "does dating get better" question...I feel like penises are getting smaller nowadays. Its been several years since I saw a good 8+ incher.
Who did he bring home?
Idk. But did you see her shoe choice by the stairs, I'm really not expecting anything great.
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