Bro can a girl get pregnant if i jizz in her mouth?
hahahahahahahahahahaha
Dude, I just had an awesome rave/orgy with like bunch of hot Asian chicks on a cable car. It was like being in a Gwen Stefani video, cept w/o the bad spelling
God, I love San Francisco.
She calls her new ritual "bed, bath, and beyond crunk". Hence why I found her passed out in my bath tub this morning.
just found deep spiritual meaning in spongebob.... that high.
Tell her you can forgive her unacceptable behavior because her dad and his dog weren't married when they conceived her.
She just got out of the car and said "hold on purse.. It's going to be a bumpy ride"
You know you stopped at a liquor store to prepare for a 12-year-old's birthday party, right?
Hey, I didn't ask that stripper to put her unds in my mouth, it was just covered by the plus package fee I ordered.
It was weird. Like "Mom, Dad, here's a guy who knows my orgasm face".
I don't want to hear about you making out with a high schooler. I just had the best sex of my life. My face and arms went numb in the middle of it.
I am as serious as getting herpes in Mexico...
What do herpes have to do with anything?
Yeah it'll definitely be worth it. Not having syphilis all the time you know
I'm so lazy and tired i just want to cry and fall asleep in a bed of egg mcmuffins.
All I know is when I checked my phone this morning google translate was open with "help the cow ate my robot" translated to French
Intoxication Level: I'm as graceful and flawless as a fucking dinosaur.
Randomize
