Will you blow on my dice?
I just figured it out. Meghan has the same smile as Sylvester Stallone.
i think at one point throughout the night i began eating birthday cake with a q-tip.
I cannot remember December 31 for the past 3 years. it might as well not even exist on my calendar anymore
I literally stabbed myself so I had a valid reason to get out of having sex with her
Starting St Patrick's Weekend, non stop flights on Pacific Whorelines to the scenic HotMessXpress. Get the cougars ready, it's gonna get weird.
it was like fucking a Mumford & Sons song
Only you could successfully troll for dick at a Hillel bake sale.
The only thing I had in my freezer before today was patron and cheese.
Pretty sure I just noped a member of the Canadian women's hockey team on Tinder.
I never thought I would be saying these words but...when did David Spade get hot?
and the oscar for 'most creative swearing' goes to you for 'jesus's bloody fucksticks'
I'm never going to adult. I'm staying a child. The only thing related to adult that I want to do is you.
Do not, I repeat, DO NOT uncuff him no matter how much he begs. He knows what he did.
Also I literally googled "how to fold socks" so that's how my day is going. How's yours?
Randomize
