Last night was so much fun. i kept trying to lick everyone
so just saw tiger woods pull a page out of his wifes book and hit some kid in the head with a golf club
did i walk over a car last night?
She just tried to snort granola up her nose but its ok she's not bleeding.
Cops do not care. One just laughed and said "precious"
sorry can't. you know Saturday is the masturbating day for single sorority girls here.
He might have if you were a little more subtle about your feelings instead of telling everyone multiple times how much you wanted his dick
you were passed out so I asked you what my name was and you opened your eyes and yelled "ricotta cheese"
no way
that's when i decided you were gonna be okay
I swear she lies about being allergic to gluten so she'll get all the jack and not have to drink shitty beer like the rest of us
I'm in a corner eating carrots and drinking champagne. I've hit a new kind of low.
How is that low? I love carrots.
I'm sure there are thousands getting dick today in the name of independence
Who knew I could feel anymore shameful at the bar than i usually do...I think my bartender recognizes me from the walk of shame out of his house after i hooked up with his son yesterday
The smoothie place is closed, but the liquor store is open and wine is kinda like a smoothie.
She was screaming and crying about how she couldn't find her middle finger. Then, she threw her body on to the pavement. Thats the last time we buy a freshmen a handle.
There are twenty eight units in that building. There has to be at least one heterosexual in it. You can't have fucked your way through all of it.
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