So this girl in my math class just went to the bathroom, tampon in hand, comes back with it still in her hand starts digging around in her purse, takes her thing of birthcontrol out, goes oh fuck, and downs the rest of the pills. Got to love college.
she insisted that i refer to her boobs by name.
There is a pube in my fucking eyeball
He's bringing condoms over for me in case we "bone".... the fact he calls it boning is not a great start.
And here i was gonna offer you a complimentary blowjob.
I swear there's a gravitational pull from your vagina to large groups of men in uniform.
BEST FEELING EVER: Standing in a hot fucking shower, while super baked, while eating a cookie.
You eat cookies in the shower?
Just showered now I smell like berries instead of shame
I think the solution to your phobia is an open relationship with your dildo. about the same responsibility as a pet rock
I'm just gonna eat nachos and wine fruit forever.
I have work in an hour and I'm having trouble with concepts such as 'staying upright' and 'staying conscious'. Tie me to your wrist next time we go out drinking,
I think I've been there, but who knows? I drink a lot
I wish you could see all the crumbs in my bra....it looks like Hansel & Gretel got lost in my cleavage.
Well in other news, my nipples are healing pretty well but next time I get drunk and decide to pierce something please for the love of god stop me!
Where's the chopping off someone's balls emoji
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