Passing las posas road. In a world of pain. Im trying to piss in a bottle through the hole in my crotch. I wish i had a bigger dick.
If my vagina had boots, it would be shaking in them.
I thought pig tail meant you were suppose to grab on to it when getting BJ
Would it be cruel if i sold xanax instead of adderall to freshman unfamiliar to the drug-taking profession?
Appropriately today was the first time I've ever GTL'd. I can't believe I made fun of this,it's rather relaxing.
Last night the nurse at the ER told me that she wished all her drunk patients were like me. Then she commented on my socks...
Nothing like all your friends getting engaged to remind you how much fun sleeping around is.
She had cheddar bay biscuits in her purse. Biscuits, Id and cash. I'm gonna marry her.
Last thing I remember is whiskey shots. My roommate tells me we were there 15min before I decided to run home naked. And we live across from a police station.
no it was not a "magical experience". After we dropped, he just sat there staring at my laptop going "apple makes beautiful things".
Have you seen that new toaster that burns your pics to toast? Let's drink some booze and discuss what I have I mind.
My hangover headache is somewhere in the Harry Potter scar neighborhood. I can now empathize with that poor bastard.
I know, dude. If he ends up having a tiny dick, I will literally pack it back into his pants and leave. Not worth the aggravation.
My brother is coming home and he is bringing a whole bunch of friends with him. I am making him a cake. What should i put on it?
"Open for business" or "I have condoms" would probably work
I'm not gonna lie, but for some reason I have this strong desire to watch porn with my pint of haagen das.
Randomize
