I was just curling my hair topless and I just burned my nipple. Ouch.
Remember that sex scene from American Psycho?
Ya, why?
We should try that some time.
Sprained my ankle at sky zone REST ICE COMPRESSION ELEVATION AND SHOTS it'll all feel better soon
The fire alarm went off at 3 am in the freshmen dorm. So guess which junior everyone now knows is hooking up with a freshman? This girl...
Don't mind the bowl full of ashes in the sink. I meant to set that on fire.
We've been here for ten minutes. She told me I wasn't "Irish enough", licked my tits, and then sprinkled green glitter on them.
There's an old guy having a conversation with his penis in the bathroom right now.
its ok, the prom king gave me his crown to puke in
Just took adderall with about half a bottle of red wine...i have stopped trying for this last exam
I spent the last 6 months operating under the assumption that I HADNT fucked a paramedic. I was wrong.
I feel badly that he has cancer, but this does not mean I am obligated to have sex with him. Again.
If you find me in the bathroom in a fetal position, licking frozen bacon .. I might have Drank a little too much.
she just sent our roommates a message asking them for a parakeet. are you gonna call later?
Remind me to do laundry tomorrow so i have something decent to take off when i get laid.
Dude, she was there with her husband and I was there with my wife. Of course we banged in the bathroom.
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