the roller ball on my blackberry is the closest i've come to touching a clit in 2 years.
A 21st bday and NYE should be illegal to have in the same week...
I spent my night drunkenly staring at a picture of John Stamos. How do you think I feel?
It didn't get weird until she took off her underwear, looked down, and said "fill her up!"
Yeah I had to push her down the hallway to the hotel room in a luggage carrier. The guy at the desk told me goodluck
I just stole a cupcake from somebody's bottle service
And I got $4 when somebody made it rain.
I really gotta be careful. My email inbox is equal parts notifications from instructors and this dude's dick. If I get drunk and reply to the wrong thing I might get kicked out of grad school.
You might have crossed the line by jerking off while she was in the bathroom taking a prego test. Just saying
I gave the bathroom attendant $5 last night for turning the sink on for me. What. The. Fuck.
Don't be embarrassed its me, I've licked your taint.
Still drunk on my morning "run" which has turned into a walk. Just burped fireball
You grabbed my arm, said "I need you" in a very concerned voice and dragged me to the other room where you were blasting Evolution of Beyoncé.
If all that ever happens between us is orgasms and dank memes, I think I'd be okay with that.
I realized my soar muscles form the shape of me leaning over a toilet
Bahahah I should. I’m the free range drunk girl who should clearly not be free range because who knows what kind of fuckery I would get into
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