Eating a burrito bowl w/ queso sauce is about as cool as the first time you have sex w/ out a condom
One of the cleaning ladies on my floor just screamed from the bathroom
my entire walk over here no one looked in my eyes. Period Boobs are BAACKKK.
She was raised with a wonderful home life. I can't do anything with that.
I just opened up the mens room door to a dude pissing in the urinal and pointing at himself in the mirror
people who like being in relationships make me feel bad about myself.
Doing lines of coke with a $100 dollar bill off a 6in x 9in photo of your childhood self really tells you where you where you've gotten in life.
I haven't had a normal poop since halloween, we are not mixing vodka and tequila ever again
RESPECT THE VODQUILA
Dude. When are you coming home? I'm laying in bed watching the Grinch and trying to pet a cat that I'm not even sure exists.
Who knows. Maybe the world would be a better place if more people sent their drug dealers thank you cards.
He went down on me to the national anthem being sung by Jordan sparks. It was very patriotic of him
Your uterus is safe from my father's misconstrued prophecies.
I think his dick was bigger than his dog
Serious question, on a scale of go for it to what the fuck are you thinking, what's me going to a monk or any religious official and saying "baptize me daddy" in a serious voice?
Do you think in an oreo forest they would have rivers of milk?
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