Seriously, I'd take them all over any of the milfs here...and you know how much that means coming from me
Define "chronic" masturbator.
I'm so horny!
I'm so hungry
WHAT A TERRIBLE REPLY!
For your pussy...
Wtf am i supposed to tell my kids when they ask about my first time? "Mommy got drunk off her ass and fucked a total stranger in another stranger's bedroom, then got abandoned by the selfish prick and walk of shamed to the nearest gas station to call a cab, but ended up passed out in a park in a pool of her own puke."
At least mommy was smart enough to use protection and hack into the asshole's facebook account.
Well of course. Mommy may be a slutty drunk but she ain't no idiot.
All she said was "the usual?" and unzipped my pants.
I don't remember his name but he sat in the bathroom and gave us both advice...
apparently he's bringing me two things i like. he said one was him and i'm assuming the other one is his penis
I'd like to stay optimistic, but I have this nagging suspicion my penis is in for a disappointing holiday weekend.
Really? I thought your parents stopped loving you when you drunkenly fell through the ceiling...
Nope. Flying out tonight. Staying with my great aunt who is an ex nun turned hostel owner. Best and likely most dangerous St. Patty's Day to commence in 10 hours. IRELAND!
Be safe. And I hate you.
wtf... you literally introduced yourself as "that friend who's going to fuck all your other friends."
I hope you know that means regardless of their gender.
Mostly what I remember is someone saying "raise your hand if you're too turnt" then raising my hand and falling
I don't know what his name was or what he looked like, but I remember him rocking me to sleep with his cock
If my birthday doesn't end with my panties hanging from a ceiling fan, I'm holding you responsible.
I just got his Save the Dave and, to answer your next question, NO I AM NOT GOING TO THE WEDDING OF THE GUY WHO GOT DRUNK AND CAME ON MY CHEST.
Randomize
