I'm sorry for everything. i woke up with two citations stapled to my shirt.
Have you ever noticed every guy named Shaant has scene hair and date girls with racoons stripes in theirs
His name should be shouldn't
How does she give head with a nose like that? It looks like she has a plantain stuck in the middle of her face.
Also I just saw on facebook your sister is taking pole dancing lessons. Just a heads up.
Just tried to chase Captain Morgan with water...this whole drinking alone business is getting harder to do.
There are empty beer cans all over and the go-kart is missing. I need it for my halloween costume.
i had choclate birthday cake for breakfast and am currently flossing my teeth w a condom wrapper. at work. hot mess for 200 alex
Hey guy that stepped on my foot, don't slap my ass to apologize.
In other news, I apparently ate my retainers while rolling last night.
What's the procedure for answering a booty call from someone under house arrest?
I really don't know where my pants are, but that's not the problem. When are you going to unlock the door?
When you're done railing that chick, there is still half a pizza and some ninja turtle mac and cheese down here if you want
Thanks for being my pregnancy scare Sherpa...
How weird would it be for me to get 1 hour photos printed at CVS of my partially or all nude?
Sorry I missed your birthday party. I caught a dick and rode it to O-Town
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