That's what you get when you play shuffleboard drunk.
just found out my sister was breast fed and i was not...pretty upset about that.
a pedometer??? no beatles?Steve jobs just took a dump in CA and it landed on my heart
hapi new year, hope this year brings u happiness and lots of sexi people ;)
stop writing like that.
gettin drunk isnt as much fun when i can use my own id for it
The fact that you think you peed off a roof shows you shouldn't have been on a roof.
when you wake up in a apartment hallway wearing someone else's shoes, you can pretty much assume last night was a success.
The slot machines are wishing me happy birthday. Mission success.
Didn't want you to think it had been open season on my vagina since we broke up.
Nevermind, there are three drinks waiting at the bar for me. I cannot disappoint this alcohol.
They're playing house music in my dentists office again, wtf is wrong with these people. That's not the music you want to get a root canal to
It's Christmas, you should know what a virgin is.
He totally sucks at sexting. He sent me a clothed shot of his ass captioned "I know this gets you going." What?
I feel like it is our duty to make homophobic people more afraid of us. They're never going to change, but maybe we can get to a "wrath of god" kind of worship-him-or-he'll-destroy-you-with-his-care-bear-stare type thing.
Is it customary to send a 'thank you card'to someone who gave you awesome oral as a gift at your housewarming party?
Randomize
