id like to point out that while i was just peeing a condom fell out of my vag.
I need your advice and before you say it, no, it cannot be solved by a blow job
You clearly don't understand the power you wield with your mouth.
I changed the background on my phone to a picture of you so whenever I go to look at porn or text another girl I'll have second thoughts
Am I supposed to find that romantic?
Yes, she did suck your dick in the bathroom to wake you up.
If turning my entire backyard into a slip-n-slide is wrong then I don't wanna be right
Just so we're clear, that's a yes to the honey, but if you get marshmallow fluff anywhere near my body we are never doing this again
I guess our biggest consolation is that we haven't woken up in a hottub with a dead dude. Yet.
I don't know if I have the sustained energy level for partying hard
Not a choice. You are mistaking my comments as options. My statements are facts. This is what is happening.
so apparently going to a christian rock concert dressed as Jesus is horribly inappropriate.
You don't understand, we were on a waffle house. Both of us were absolutely certain we passed out at his place then BAM! Waffle house.
Two drag queens are fighting over me. And yet the night is still getting weirder
Please don't make me ever have to hear the words "the Queen's gynecologist" ever again.
A guy with a mustache poured a beer down your throat while you had a crippled boy named Sunshine riding your back
If this gives you any indication of my current state, I stopped at Meijer after work and bought funyuns, pregnancy tests and chocolate.
I smoked too much. I'm sitting on my balcony and I keep getting lost. Help me
Randomize
