I have no memory of puking on someone. Was he cute?
ever seen your mom drunk enough to lick your face? i have
it's like your virginity...sometimes you have to pretend like it's still there
i don't care what you say, the winery is open and 10am is NOT too early to go barrel tasting
Getting blown during the Cavs game doesn't make it any less depressing.
Why is there blood and lettuce everywhere?
We're trying to leave but amy's hitting on the guy who mans the nacho cart
You know what my problem is? I'm like a machine designed for the sole intention of removing the pants from damaged girls.
My pussy is making all kinds of justifications that my mind would have no patience for if it was still in charge
Of course drinkings involved. They don't call it alcoholism because we eat too many skittles.
I'm sports announcer narrating myself making a sandwich. Your weed wins.
Btw... when someone is licking your balls, "yeah... that's not the worst thing in the world" is not an appropriate compliment/thank you.
Today I had sex and flossed at the same time. My relationship goals have been exceeded.
Well this guy just went into a detailed lecture about how rinos are developing into unicorns.. It's gonna be a good night.
don't think less of me for this, but i'm pretty sure he did a line off my boob last night.
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