Dogs love guiness but it fucks up their kidneys
I cut you off after you tried to do a shot out of a neti pot, down your nose.
explains the nose bleeds.
his mom walked in, looked at me, sighed n nsaid 'when are u gonna learn' n walked out
It wasn't a threesome, it was me making out with one while looking at the other one screaming "does this make you jealous?"
This is why i like single justin better. my only regret is not being present for more of his short life. may he rest in peace
oh, so if i go friday and she's there, you are going to be my sponsor for not banging the crazy chick
Dude I'm riding a fucking tortoise this is awesome you should come with me more often
It's always awkward in the office the day after your boss sends you a dick pic.
She offered to treat me to breakfast after a one night stand if I meet her parents and sex again if I act as her bf. It may be a trap but its a offer I won't refuse.
Zach, it's Lisa from work. Was that you yeiling BALLS DEEP at me on I-25 or is it just something about me that invites that from rando creeps?
You don't even know. The entire marching band thinks I'm an alcoholic.
it was one of those unspoken contracts of silence like "I teach your daughter and you work at a strip club"...I don't tell if you don't
She's so high she just screamed into the pile of takeout boxes "which one of you gave me diarrhea"
I don't know where I'm at. But I'm pretty sure what I'm looking at is a small bear.
Never let the horse trainer ride you, always ride the horse trainer. I have huge bruises on my thighs from his hip bones. That's how hard he rode me
Randomize
