At least he could have found a MILF, she's a dbl bagger. No wonder he goes to counseling.
Yeah..you can't spell Prozac without Zac(h).
I can't get a boner in the bathroom of a buffet.
just watched the video of me leading you with a trail of french fries.
He had to carry me to the car. But then sat with me and waited for me to sober up enough to have sex. He's a keeper.
after that, he'll be sure to remember me. i'll probably forget him, but that's the way it should be.
Apparently I told his new girlfriend to stop swallowing because she's getting fat. Oh, and I yelled this across a large room
I legit just woke up on my couch, snuggled up next to some guy who's wearing my roommate's pink bathroble. What the fuck do they put in those shots?
Someone else needs to become the bad example in our group
But you wear shame so well
Dude, I think shitting blood should be a cause for concern not celebration that you had a great night.
I beat my mom's friend's boyfriend in a vodka chugging competition. Our generation FTW.
this night may include but is not limited to : police encounters, wild animals, stomach pumping, and waking up in a field
I was Jaeger weird. I was rolling on the floor pretending to be an Olympic gymnast and my name was Gina
He was trying to talk to me about standards while he had a french fry box on his hand like a glove and was using it to flatten his cheeseburger.
I need to stop agreeing to hang out with people when I'm drunk.
He made a group chat with him, his wife, & I. Is this really life!??
Randomize
