If she sucks any more cock I swear she will be a spermivore
Banned from zoo.
Again?
Im am drinking whisky alone in my parents basement. I think I just watched the point of no return stroll by.
Eating hibachi. The chef is squirting sake into my mouth with a ketchup bottle. Happened twice, more to come.
She said her first boyfreind was so small she is still technically a virgin.
Dude they even gave me free lube for being tested! Best. Hiv test. EVER.
He kept yelling "osteoporosis" and threw milk at her because she broke her arm.
my first words to him the next morning were "do you like magic"?
Ok so last thing I remember was hugging a cop while vomiting
Bar selfie Saturday turned into bar nudie Saturday in a hurry. I need to delete my snapchat...
I think my favorite day of the week is the day we get to fuck
mom had to come pick me up from the hotel. I crawled to her car. She told me the entire way home if I puked in it I was going to lick it up. Like high school all over again...
If you buy me a steak I will make the extra effort to ride you. If not, I'm just gonna lay there.
Yeah I would come and meet you but there's 3 polish girls yelling at a drunk polish guy in the carpark outside. They just dumped a whole pizza over his head and I want to see where this ends...
ALSO I MAYBE ACCIDENTALLY HAND CUFFED MYSELF TO A CHAIR
Randomize
