I woke up with a Nike swoosh shaved into my chest hair. my friend got 3 stitches. my phone had a text that simply read "fuck you". I say it was a good party.
I was blowdrying my hair this morning and I swear to god it smelled like franzia
Trying to figure out if I'm the second dude she hooked up with yesterday. I feel like a consolation prize
If I don't wake up hungover in a ditch Monday morning I will consider my halloween a failure
I feel like I should lick our pitcher just so everyone knows its ours
All I'm asking for is flower occasionally, and in return you get to come home to me naked in heels. Is that to much to ask for?
well, the two that sent pics I've already been with, so at least its not just BAM HERE'S MY PENIS IN YOUR INBOX ENJOY THOSE MEGAPIXELS
What the fuck is wrong with your family? Why do you have unfrosted pop tarts.
Ripped as fuck driving to get a portrait of my cat tattooed on my arm
You are one of my favorite baseball you have fun today
You could be a whistle.. And just ask bitches if they want to blow you all night
You were passed out in the OutBack Bowl Shrimp costume and when we asked you wtf happened you just said On Wisconsin.
don't judge but I think I'm gonna go fuck a dad this weekend
I don't want them thinking I'm like, "Mm, yeah, kitchenware in my ass please."
Look idk the rules and regulations of our freindship...but I need you to carry me to my car.
Randomize
