I was just walking through Burbank and saw a hobo using solar panels on his shopping cart. We must be in trouble if the hobos are researching alternative sources of fuel...
I bet there is no greater pleasure in life than pistol whipping people.
Anal.
He had in his status he loved beating off and tagged his wife. another reason facebook should be for college.
repeat this after me. period at the beach is better than baby at the beach. breathe. and: period at the beach is better than baby at the beach.
The door to door salesmen do not expect you to be drunk at 3 in the afternoon
no i do not regret standing at the wendys drive thu handing the employees mardi gra beads to get free chicken nuggets
i was wearing footie pjs. how could there be confusion as to who i hooked up with, thats not something you forget
She kept crying and asking why I couldn't look more like Dennis quaid.
Bro, you're like, my right testicle. Can't go anywhere without you.
But yeah, that is officially the new "I just came" picture
he looked at me and said 'happiness is a warm blanket' then stole my vodka.
So I got this new job… ever been fucked in a corner office before?
I've never wanted anyone to have herpes as I much as I want him to right now.
Access to a Target is paramount to my general happiness and self-worth.
I got the shit slapped outta me last night but the pain in my jaw doesn’t even compare to the hangover I have.
Randomize
