I have no morals, kinda like you have no standards
None
What a good family we'd make, him and I and our kids and his good dick.
In less than 3 minutes we had 3 security guards running after us
she says she's going to shake me awake in 15min intervals if I pass out
this was your mom?
Grandma is giving me marriage advice again. On the plus side, she thinks I'm straight now.
It's just one of those days where I'm too horny to function, to be perfectly honest.
things were going awesome until jimmy put out a cigarette in the everclear.
I like dinosaurs. I like penises. It's kind of a win win
Getting "I couldn't find the front door so I climbed in through window" drunk seems to be a habit of yours
He made a toga out of my hot pink bed sheets and cracked an egg on his head. Then he proceeded to alphabetize our DVD collection, which was impressive because I'm 99% sure he couldn't have done that sober.
I had to rename my dildo. I met a little kid who named his teddy bear the same name. It just felt wrong.
FUCK IM ABOUT TO GET A DICK PIC IN THE LIBRARY
I discovered moonshine and fell in love.
I'm going to blow a ton of money on sex toys just so I can tell you to do better than them.
Just a typical Friday. Dinner, drinks, doing lines with a member of Congress
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