I was wasted and lost so I called the cops and asked for directions. It seemed logical at the time
Just got kicked in the balls by a girl in tap shoes. Fuck EVERYTHING
Somebody spraypainted a transformers head on a transformer box..my life is complete
Well apparently "don't come inside of me" wasn't one of the English phrases he understood! On the bright side... At least he will get his green card for having an american kid!
Well, let's be honest here. You're dealing with gay guys... EVERYTHING has an emotional attachment.
so now that i'm sober i just want to apologize for violating your back seat...... on a brighter note thank you for playing the little mermaid song "kiss the girl," really set the mood.
Naked Twister starts at high noon
I concluded last night that you have no tear ducts, heart, or sense of any feeling.
I feel like it'll be a success as long as she doesn't end up dead in a ditch. There has to be a line somewhere.
You started an entire relationship based only on sex and emoticons.
Got high with dad and hunted squirrels in the basement. Is this seriously what my life has come to?
I have to drop off my inflatable penis costume at the bar for my bartender. Do you think you could meet me there at like 630?
But what we lack in money, we make up for in dry humor and drugs
also, my mom just called to make sure the dick tattoo on your arm was fake..
He flipped a shopping cart in the back room and had to leave to make a jazz playlist. If we aren't in love then i don't know what love is.
Randomize
