guy from last night has fluorescent crocs in his closet. judging by the rest of his clothes he doesn't wear them in an ironic way
You know you love balls. Don't act all "I-Don't-Love-Balls-ish"
Omg i either met the gayest dude ever or my next boyfriend
I am still sore from last night. I can't wait for you to meet my parents.
took some adderal to make my alochol withdrawl less shitty. now im just concentrating on how badly i need a drink
Halloween night fail: My boob sweat from keeping my phone in my bra caused the front screen to stop working from water damage.
He looked like he was trying to woo a lady version of himself by playing goblin music on his guitar.
You are so predictable. I am willing to bet 20$ that instead of going out you are sitting on your couch, stoned, watching Seinfield re-runs and eating cheezits.
1. they're goldfish. 2 fuck you
You know, part of me wants to die and the other part of me doesn't want to live
Some girl is sitting topless in the kitchen and having a Skype video chat with some guy. I already like it here.
We celebrated our relationship by shotgunning beers on his lawn in our underwear. I may have to marry this man...
I'm the catering manager, it's not my job to stop 2 teenagers from fucking in the bathroom. I couldn't bring myself to stop that sort of young romance anyway, that's what I pay you people for
We are gonna have a bake sale and the preceded will go towards the abortion
Did you see her happy birthday to emily on facebook? The gist of it is like: hey emily you almost died at birth im glad you didn't. love mom.
try to milk me bitch
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