i puked out the bus window last night on the way home. i remember it, but i don't remember everyone else screaming to put their windows up.
That's the great thing about NY, if you pee your dress you have an entire cab ride to air dry your panties before the next club.
You kept spitting the skittles out cause you said they tasted like "balls of sandpaper"
No one wears that much makeup to work unless they are trying to fuck their boss, NO ONE
I can't. I can't get out. He cooked me food. And made me jager bombs. And painted a glow in the dark smilie face on my boobs
At the airport and im So hungover. Think anyone will help if I put a note on me reading "flying to Boston, please wake me as we board" and then passing back out?
WHY DOES HE HAVE TO CALL WHEN I'M MASTURBATING?! This time I'm really pissed. It's like he knows he's depriving me of orgasms.
Like he and the nurses kept being so persistent with it and I just wanted to run out of there in my backless gown and yell FUCK OFF BITCHES IM OUT
Just finished off half a bottle of vodka. Can't take in anymore liquids so I ate 3 spoonfuls of your powdered gatorade to fight off the hangover. Wish me luck and check me for a pulse when you get in!
Help everyone's hot
Men are hot women are hot non-binary people are hot aliens are hot
I hate how much more visible my vomit is on snow, I need a winter vomit bush
You're not married and none of these idiots are committing to you so whore it up on whore island
Can we go to pirate hooker whore island then
Woke up in the hospital naked with my id's taped to my chest. Also apparently puked on two guys, two girls and an escalade (at the same time). Good night.
dude you pointed at my dad's crotch and said I'd tap that. I didn't even know you were gay.
It is NEVER not funny to me when I am sitting at a table and I've touched the dicks of every single person I'm sitting with.
Randomize
