They wont let us in. Theyve some sort of no Daft Punk costume rule
I just walked into his bathroom to see two poops floating... no toilet paper. WTF!?
a pedometer??? no beatles?Steve jobs just took a dump in CA and it landed on my heart
I just had sex in a moon bounce. It is all down hill from here.
You were petting your shoe and saying this makes me really happy
you know I love you but I need to see your friends tits
Well I will be attending the wedding with a flask of wine, potentially with a straw, and POM POMS for cheering purposes. Needless to say I will be well lubricated by your arrival..
My liver is begging me not to go, but sadly enough for him my feet and hands control me getting there.
We did hand stand push-ups while beer bonging. Its now a thing
We go out, we get drunk, we watch Star Wars, we pass out. What's wrong with this tradition?
One day I'm gonna have to send my roommate a "sorry I got high and forgot you were in the room and masturbated next to you" fruit basket
So high I legit spent 20mins in the shower just holding my tits cuz they feel bigger than normal.
Hope everything goes ok. If it makes you feel better, I straightened vomit into my hair and killed a bird earlier.
I was at a hookups house and peed in his sink so I wouldn't wake up his mom... drunk me is on a different level
Yeah, so if you ever try to steal it, just know my tongue's been on it in several occasions. All over it.
Randomize
