my night went downhill once I lost my bikershorts. EAWSSSSYY ACCESS
I hate this i feel like im wasting my youth here. I should be off hooking up with boys around the world and having awkward next morning convos in different languages!!
Walk-of-shaming home from Brooklyn in a Jesus costume that has "what wouldn't Jesus do" written on the robe.
Did you pluck my eyebrows one night when I passed out?
Um he just came into the kitchen naked to get her purse or something?
I found a big gulp cup full of vomit in my freezer, are you behind this?
You know my ex in high school who cheated on me and dumped me right before prom? A decade later, I just saw her again...working at an Arby's. it was a good day...
Just saw a guy I fucked in a clown suit in the bar. It's not Halloween. I have got to start making better life decisions.
You sent me a picture of you licking the bottom of a shoe and the caption was "it tastes like shoe"
smoked some of that legal weed last night, felt like God himself legit bent me over his knee and spanked my ass. Never again..never.
You shouldn't have to. I think you should bust into work like "pay homage to my magical vagina!"
He literally just patted me on the vagina and said goodnight to it.
And to celebrate the raising of our lord I just purchased a bunny buttplug. Am I doing this Easter thing right?
You almost got us killed.
YOU’RE WELCOME FOR NAVIGATING YOU TO A ONCE IN A LIFETIME EXPERIENCE.
I STUDIED GEOGRAPHY I KNOW THIS SHIT!! DON'T YOU DARE QUESTION MY AUTHORITY ON GLACIAL DEPOSITION AGAIN BITCH!!
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