you're single. I'm single. let's spend vday with the 3 most important men in our lives: ben, jerry, and josé
I apologize for forcing you to look at my boob when we were high. It was uncalled for
On the plus side I got to ride in a fire truck and I didn't have to blow anybody for it
He doesn't have any game.. I mean, his one move is forwarding chicks pictures of his penis.
Accidentally peeing a little on the couch in the middle of a sneeze is way different from railing a random on our waffle counter. I am the better roommate.
Because he's your one night stand I shouldn't feel obligated to extend social media to him
What is this nonsense on the table
Your idea.
I mean the hole taco that was chewed up and spit out
I wrapped my scarf around his head and then made him go down on me
And I also said, "probe me"
I have to take tonight off from shenanigans. My liver is planning a coup
He sent me a 2am email the just said "Ping". Nerdiest booty call ever.
Ryan. I woke up. At the neighbors house. And by the neighbors. I mean the ones to the north. The ones that hate us. Please call me. I am so confused and you are gone
At the neighbors house?! Like in it or outside???
In it on the fucking couch. No idea how i got here.
Jesus fuck. I just hit on him in front of the whole fire department. They hit the sirens and told us to get a room. FML. I can never go back to that fire station again...
I may or may not have just had sex in the bed of a pick-up at a drive-in movie theater.
Other than the whole stab wound in my leg thing, today was pretty good. The nurses all loved me and gave me a sandwich and juice.
Want a bet? I'm a kinky and determined motherfucker with a libido that is not easily stopped
Randomize
