i just borrowed 5 dollars from my eight year old sister. i'm at a new low
Just bought purple Ray Bans. If there was any small chance that I would ever have sex with women ever again, I just buried it.
HOLY SHIT! Did you see the dick on that Great White Shark?!?!?!
I just walked in on my dad looking at porn. is there protocol for this?
Great parenting moment: noticing your kid is going to puke from gorging fish sticks and sending her outside. Then watching her puke on your dog.
i left because you were standing at the top of the stairs throwing shot glasses and bottles full of alcohol at me and yelling JAGERBOMBS
So this 40 year old woman was trying to bring me into the bathroom to blow me and the bartender called the cops on her because she was showing her tits. Only in asbury.
And dildos are 35% off. So. Ya know. Savings.
Also, my aunt grabbed my phone and downloaded the scriptures. Apparently I need Jesus.
My head feels like Jesus is projectile vomiting hammers on it
I wonder if Paul and Andy realize how lucky that they are that we're too lazy to start fucking other dudes so we just stick with them
Your aunt just offered to blow me for a ride home....how did you end up such a prude?
The last thing I remember is trying to chug the rest of the everclear, running through a fence, and laying down in the snow. I hurt.
I woke up wearing nothing but my red thigh high socks and a blue wig. I have no idea what happened.
If you need me I'll be in the hospital involving super glue and fake eyelashes.
Randomize
