Everytime we come here you have an ex here.
My dad just knocked on my door and told me that my vibrator was too loud
The doctor asked me what height I fell from to hurt my back.. I answered keg height
I'm just gonna ignore the fact that I have no pants on and find a way home. A good one-nighter never goes back for his pants.
in a garage, wearing a toga, theyre debating the logistics of Coke Pong. If I don't make it out of here... it was me who stole your Barbie in the 4th grade- I've never forgiven myself.
He didn't dress up but kept finding random pieces of costumes on the floor at each club. He was an 80s hair band warrior at the end of the night.
We hit a golf ball off Brady's ass. His dignity flew away into the night.
Oh if we have sex in public no one will frown upon it. They will stand and cheer for it
I should have made a run for it. Seriously who calls the cops on themselves and goes to jail. ...on a Monday.
Well I have rug burns in both armpits, somehow. So yes you should have been here
I can now recognize that when my wine bottle reaches a certain point, I probably shouldn't tweet, text or call anyone. RESPONSIBILITY
It's shark week go big or go home
I found your missing hash cookies. Fuck you and I'm sorry but there are only 2 left. I already had the munchies.
We are gonna have a bake sale and the preceded will go towards the abortion
as a self proclaimed hoe im ok with a lotta things but that is not fucking one of them
Randomize
