Do you think an esthetician would be willing to wax the Chanel Cs into my crotch? That way, whenever a guy gets ready to pound on it I can go "Careful, it's Chanel."
Try denying you're gay when "I'm Not A Girl, But Not Yet A Woman" comes on Shuffle.
At least drunk you showered before switching sex partners last night.
You ordered 6 boxes of pizza and laughed in the pizza guys face when you didn't pay for any of them.
nah we got kicked outta the bar after the bouncer saw us putting straws up Chelsea's nose to make her look like a walrus after she fell asleep at the table
he asked me to lick his asshole and I told him his girlfriend could do that for him
Also, what is a socially acceptable way to introduce a crossbow in public?
Yea he called the cop officer fonzarelli and asked him if he was mad because happy days was off the air. Boom, beaten and arrested
Please tell me last night did not happen and there is another reason why my phone smells like ranch sauce ahahah
Literally too hungover to clean. I'll get the frosting off the table tomorrow, ok?
I was drunk, he was taking a bodyshot while avoiding my piercing. I told him I loved him. He waited until I woke up with my hangover to say he loved me too. It was hangover magic.
The guy who said he's gonna suck your butthole till your face caves in is at Maggie's
So I'm at early voting and the group of ladies behind me is talking about voting no on 2 and my gummy is kicking in, thank lawd
I keep worrying the police are going to come looking for us.
For which one? Starting a fire on my porch or having sex on my porch?
i got drunk and started dancing with the plant because you were out of town
Randomize
