Hey sorry about saying i hated you. it was the coke and the ice cream.
Going back to my hometown to drink absinthe with highschool boys. Remind me to evaluate this decision tomorrow.
Change your flight to Denver. That's where my penis is.
My face is bruised from laying on the concrete. NO MORE VODKA!
everyday i become more and more impressed with my facebook stalking skills
She had to leave early so she could get ready for her high school's homecoming. I hope her date likes sloppy seconds.
its time for step 4 of getting over him: post his number on the transvestite page on craigs list asking for pics
I was walking around outside with a basket of eggs. I feel like little house on the prairie: hungover edition.
And then the lady sheeps would bring me the finest grass to eat cuz im the sheep king and id have sexy smooth sheep fur
I'm going to pound you from behind over a table at the bar while I pull your hair and call you a whore...please pass along that message to Rob
I'm drinking straight vodka and railing lines of adderall while writing a paper about the nature of Jesus. It's 6:50 in the morning. College.
HIV testing and a light brunch. Sounds like a great way to spend Christmas Eve.
Maybe you'll have a Christmas miracle
You don't have issues. You're a consenting adult having sex at work. Go you.
The girl in the hotel room next to us walked out at the same time as me this morning. She just shook her head, looked at me and said, "faker." Is it that easy to tell?!??
I was a psycho gf all the time...I'm sorry
I was drunk 90% of the time...tit for tat
Randomize
