This is the kind of period I feel I should name out of respect to the fact I might have just gotten lucky this time.....
Woke up this morning 8 levels higher in Call of Duty then when I started drinking... told you I was better when I was drunk.
I'm pretty sure you're not supposed to hit on someone with another guy's semen in your hair. not even at ihop.
For using a life jacket as a pillow, I slept pretty good last night...
I had to call maintenance to come unclog the toilet.
Something to remember me by.
If I started a story with "That three-year-old totally deserved it," would you listen?
I told the girl in his bed not to bleed on his sheets like the last one.
Someone just took a shot from my crotch. I should not have to drive home
We fucked in your water heater closet. Told you we'd try everywhere.
It came up in court that I told the arresting officer my name was Thomas Jefferson, and I was born in 1776. I almost kept a straight face. Almost.
Let's just say trying to drink my weight in apple pie shots looked better in theory.
Hey, just wanted to let you know that University Police stopped by and repossessed the stolen laundry basket. And the 8 bottles of detergent.
I watched her follow him out of the bar, chase him around the corner and literally throat punch him. It was awesome.
I don't listen when you talk. I just try to find new creative ways to get you to send me naked pictures.
The fun I thought I would be having now when I was six is vastly different from what I am currently doing. Hurraaay sex and vicodin.
Randomize
