he puts the penis in happiness.
I had the most spectatular hardon this morning. I think it was trying to reach you in Wisconsin.
Then he told me he was 40. I'm not sure if I have enough Daddy issues to go for it
organizing the empties. That sober.
she's walking down the hall in a thong and one flip flop and one ugg
We're doing kegstands for my 80th Bday, so don't lose that muscle tone.
i'm going through an 80s music phase. and by phase i mean i will only have sex to white snake
He's cute when he's drunk, too. Also he tried to fight my door...
Just me. You're probably having sex with her right now, so here's a reminder that you should be thinking of me per our agreement.
I knew it was going to be a good night when my mom said "Have fun, be safe...wait, do you need any weed for tonight?"
Omg one of the midgets from last night just added me to Facebook.
Well you ended up trying to convince two Greek girls that you were Greek, but failed massively by shouting at them in Spanish, and then almost vomiting after taking way too much snuff. Maybe lay off the guinness next time?
this is an emotional support booty call
You leaned over to me in the elevator and whispered "how long do I have to pretend to be sober?"
Three times. Three times I left home yesterday in search for sex, and three times I returned un-orgasmed.
Randomize
