I forgot to tell you. I'm at a porno shoot today.
In retrospect, it was a terrible idea, going down on her with these ulcers in my mouth.
What did you wear last night? Because I'm pretty sure there are atleast 4 Facebook statuses about your walk of shame.
She was giving you that "I really want to blow you but I have to act professional" look. Guaranteed
He just texted me asking if I remember pinching his eyelid shut with my eyelash curler.
In other news, shitting yourself is not an acceptable way to start a Thursday.
You just sat there for two solid hours staring at your monitor and every five minutes screamed "LEGOOOOOS"
He came so hard that he yelled what sounded like a spell from Harry Potter.
i need to put some appletini on your dick
I want to sit on top of her nipple mountains and reenact the Ricola commercial.
There's a baby in the strip club. I say again: THERE'S A BABY IN THE STRIP CLUB
My loniness meter has reached its peak. I just played shadow puppets using my Big Mac on the wall with my cats
I guess I asked for the two old strippers numbers at the end of the bar and it turned out to be the bartenders mom and aunt...
Pretty sure the delivery guy saw me taking a shit this morning
They got skeletons in the booths to enforce social distancing.
Thought they were weekend at berniesing that shit at first.
Randomize
