So after your 27th or so beer, you gave me songs you want to have used if you're ever on intervention.
just found a sign outside my brothers door "not going to church, don't even try" and he is covered is vomit in his bed.
How can you turn a kayak date down? I'M TALKING RIVER HEAD HERE.
I dunno, but she kept buying me shots and asking me to go places with her. oh btw we're signed up to go bungee jumping Saturday
well... I just junk punched a carnie. Doesnt matter how, it still counts for my bucket list.
It was super embarrassing when I had to tell my brother, in front of my mother, that my wifi password was Drinkupbitches. Thanks for providing that lovely family moment.
I may have had sex with him and told him we wasn't worth my time then went home and made mashed potatoes
he just kept texting even after we lit his shoelaces on fire. he just calmly walked into the pool... still texting.
Like he held up the condom afterwards, twirled it with his finger, and said "look at that load"
I bought the restaurant a boat airhorn to wake up sleeping employees.
I love you
I'm not dealing with this wiskey dick shit, 2016 is the year of hard dicks
He has a penis. Therefore, he counts.
Question: the touchscreen on my phone randomly quit working, do you think this could be a latent reaction from me peeing on my phone last weekend?
you were making out with a girl because you told her you were part of Nsync
I woke up thinking it was Friday. I was disappointed (to say the least). I am pretty sure I have gained the quarantine fifteen (but I won’t know until I try to put something other than elastic-waisted shorts on). And I am probably going to need dentures because I am grinding my teeth so much. But hey--this is temporary, right?
Randomize
