i have your red jacket for some reason. and a good deal of shame and embarasment. note to self, wear underwear when you wear a dress. also, i was electrocuted last night. dont ask how.
I think it's just because she's got "I'll sleep with anyone with a decent car" written all over her face.
dude i doubt hes gay
I CAUGHT HIM BEATING OFF TO MENS HEALTH!
can you buy anything in the cafeteria for less than $2? I spent the last of my laundry money on a chia pet
he sounded really stupid. it was like his puke had a stutter, too.
Do you think if I puke at the gym they think is because I'm going hard walking on the treadmill?
There was an awkward moment where I was going for his cock and he reach out and held my hand, thinking that what I was doing
Bud light lime after 12 shots of vladdy is like frolickin in a meadow of sweet flavor
Would you please stop exposing your tits on my couch?
Fuck you, my tits are fabulous
It's like the bat signal. He only texts me when I'm naked.
Of course i made out w him. He was painted green. You know of my secret longing for the Hulk.
who knew magic tricks and sex would actually go together?
I'm somewhere between crying and wanting to orgasm.
He just sent me a picture of multiple chickens eating in his kitchen... should I be worried
I made the antidote to the nasty cognac. I AM THE GOD OF MIXED DRINKS.
Randomize
