what's for breakfast?
Advil and throwup
My vagina makes bad decisions like its her job
The guy at the liquor store just checked my id and said "oh it's you"
My poo smells like dog food. That's how I know it was a good night.
Its ok we found him,,, He is in the bathroom trying to write his life story on a roll of toilet paper.
Some rando is vomiting profusely into the garden outside the employee entrance. Where are you when things like this happen to me?
Vomiting outside the employee entrance
just puked a little into my hand/sleeve. way too hungover for the first day of class
I used to be terrified of what was under your bed until I passed out there last night. Now it just feels like home.
When were you at my house?
The best part about being single is knowing how much everyone secretly creeps behind their gf/bfs back. You wouldn't believe..Have a great date night!
I find it weird that you'll let me in your vagina, but not your house
I woke up with jello shots in pant pockets so I must've had fun
Is it against health code to come into work half drunk and commando?
I'm on A4A looking at dick pics while the CEO is on the phone trying to convince me not to leave the company
I cant go through life without knowing what ginger pubes actually look like
Smargarita sloshedurday tomorrow around 2
Bring a helmet for your liver
Randomize
