Hey sorry about saying i hated you. it was the coke and the ice cream.
Now that the fun of having an iPhone has worn off I find that using screen as a coke tray is by far my favorite app
He just left me a message saying he left the rest of the weed for me. Did i just get paid for sex? And if yes did i just get paid in drugs?
she wrote "need hug!" on a sticky note, put it on her back, and passed out on his bed. they're trying to figure out how she got into his room...
He was pretty wasted I guess, but the crippled guy threw the first punch it was awesome
It's ok that you're screwing someone else while trying to get back with me, I'm banging three girls while I ignore you.
I'd rather just be alone, than deal with this bullshit. I just want to be alone. Cats and vibrators never let you down.
Next time you're baked eat baked beans and potato chips together. Like dip them in the beans. It's so good
YOU CHEATED ON ME WITH THE WOMAN THAT IS STAYING AT YOUR HOUSE. FORGIVE ME IF IM NOT THINKING YOUR A DEDICATED BOYFRIEND.
You kept ripping all your clothes off and saying, "Let me be free!"
It's Valentine's Day, I figure for sure we'll have sex today, right? Wrong. I tried unsuccessfully for like an hour to get him to fuck me. Now he's asleep and I'm on my way to join the public library.
It started getting weird when you decided to scold my vagina.
My autocorrect won't finish pterodactyl for me and I'm feeling personally attacked.
just bought safety googles to wear so he can cum on my face and not in my eye. SAFETY FIRST!
His sisters are going to have a heyday finding all those condoms in their bunk beds.
Randomize
