so i turned around to do some reverse cowgirl when he said that this was such a better visual for him. Bad compliment or serious insult. i cant tell
You tried to convince our cab driver that your $2 bill was worth $11.70
Girls night always turns into let's seperate and get laid night.
I'm making presurgery martini's. You need to be here.
are you aware you chucked your pizza at a girl's face after the bar last night?
Woah there. I lasted a semester and a fourth of college not having sex. trust me when i say keeping my virginity was an obstacle course of olympic proportions.
The virgin olympics. I would win the gold. For America.
I can't live in this building much longer. People are starting to figure out that it's me making the weird sex noises.
I figure a girl that drinks as much as I do should always have pregnancy tests on hand
I just stabbed open a can of Spaghetti Os with a spork. Who says I cant take care of myself?
My tweets this weekend consisted of me telling every bar I went to that they were my favorite valentine. I've never felt like more of an alcoholic
Holy crap, church bells in Cibolo just scared the hell out of me. I'm pretty sure they were yelling sinner at me.
I complemented his smile, he sends me a dick pic. Seriously?
I haven't answered because I haven't figured out a polite way of saying fuck no
yep, just sat in the backseat of my car for about five minutes looking for the vodka soaked underwear,when i came to the realization that i really gotta start getting my shit together..
I’m honestly just flattered that you think I could make PornHub’s Top 10.
Randomize
